The Decision of a Lifetime : Memoir
“Don’t do it,” the neighbors insisted. They were always trying to look out for me. They always thought they knew what’s best for me. In some cases they were right. This was a special case.
When I noticed the letter, I immediately knew. On the outside, in black, bold letters, “Loyalty is my honor” was printed. This was my call.
I was one of the best trained men in the city, and I was proud of that. I still am.
This is my duty, I thought to myself. They chose me, I am part of the most elite, and now it is time to serve.
After a battle with the neighbors, I left the following week. “You’re going to regret it,” are the last words I remember. I could not ever imagine them being true.
Among arrival, I had a mixture of emotions--thrill, nervousness, wonder. This was going to be my life, and I didn’t know how to respond. I was there in training camp among others of a similar age. All of us between 25 and 35. All of us robust and ready. Little did we know what we were getting ourselves into, we were soon to be heartless.
Throughout the duration of camp, we were molded into heartless and vain murderers with no sense of value for another human’s life. The worst part of everything was that no one recognized what we had been sculpted into.
My roommate and closest friend, Axel, was one of the worst victims. Coming in with a kind heart, I watched him turn into a brutal, inhumane being, and it happened to all of us. He became a killing monster and rose through the ranks very quickly.
It was the first time I had to kill someone. My job was to stand with a gun and kill people, putting them out cold. The feeling of terror around me was unmatchable, and everyone was afraid of me.
Don’t look at them, just pull the trigger. I tried to convince myself, but I couldn’t do it. I motioned the first target forward and then eventually past me. Killing was not my call.
I don’t know what happened to him, but there is no way he’s alive. It’s not possible. Everyone at that camp died eventually. I knew then I wasn’t cut out for the Schutzstaffel.
The time until the end of the war was hard, and once the war ended things got more and more challenging. I’m still in the process of adjusting now, and I know I won’t ever be the same. I live in fear and act out in harsh manners. I fear for everyone who was involved in the war because I know for me it is never ending.
When I noticed the letter, I immediately knew. On the outside, in black, bold letters, “Loyalty is my honor” was printed. This was my call.
I was one of the best trained men in the city, and I was proud of that. I still am.
This is my duty, I thought to myself. They chose me, I am part of the most elite, and now it is time to serve.
After a battle with the neighbors, I left the following week. “You’re going to regret it,” are the last words I remember. I could not ever imagine them being true.
Among arrival, I had a mixture of emotions--thrill, nervousness, wonder. This was going to be my life, and I didn’t know how to respond. I was there in training camp among others of a similar age. All of us between 25 and 35. All of us robust and ready. Little did we know what we were getting ourselves into, we were soon to be heartless.
Throughout the duration of camp, we were molded into heartless and vain murderers with no sense of value for another human’s life. The worst part of everything was that no one recognized what we had been sculpted into.
My roommate and closest friend, Axel, was one of the worst victims. Coming in with a kind heart, I watched him turn into a brutal, inhumane being, and it happened to all of us. He became a killing monster and rose through the ranks very quickly.
It was the first time I had to kill someone. My job was to stand with a gun and kill people, putting them out cold. The feeling of terror around me was unmatchable, and everyone was afraid of me.
Don’t look at them, just pull the trigger. I tried to convince myself, but I couldn’t do it. I motioned the first target forward and then eventually past me. Killing was not my call.
I don’t know what happened to him, but there is no way he’s alive. It’s not possible. Everyone at that camp died eventually. I knew then I wasn’t cut out for the Schutzstaffel.
The time until the end of the war was hard, and once the war ended things got more and more challenging. I’m still in the process of adjusting now, and I know I won’t ever be the same. I live in fear and act out in harsh manners. I fear for everyone who was involved in the war because I know for me it is never ending.